It has been a month.
It has been a month since I did zero signs of progress to my uni project. Well, there have been few steps somewhere, but definitely lacking motivation, inspiration, and discipline. My personal life got a spin in a direction where it confirmed some major choices I made last year: living in Italy, close to my family, with a way better working-life balance, trying to build my own family, career, and happiness; this is all whatever truly mattered to me.
The job title, the idea of having a golden plate with my name somewhere hanged to a door, a big salary, a big name, big career... all those ingredients that I thought could make me happy, in reality, they were simply emptying my heart and my soul.
Three major things impacted my motivation and my course of studies in the past few weeks. Certainly, the lack of response from the people I desperately tried to reach, was a factor that massively influenced my motivation. I feel unwanted, unseen, unhelpful. Secondly, my unsuccess in building an array of audience, volunteers, and clients made my planned interventions a complete series of failures. I have been designed ads, promoted them, reached out to people... But nothing. No adherence whatsoever - with no idea if I had the wrong target market or the wrong product to sell. Or who knows, maybe both.
And last but not the least, I felt the occasion of spending three weeks in the Canary Islands and try many sorts of interventions there. But I had feared.
I feared failing, I did fear getting laughed at. I did fear being uncessuful. So I simply didn't try. I did nothing and kept myself in my comfort zone. And this is exactly where I stayed. Since then. I don't want to lie, but I am happy to have dropped my anchor in shallow, warm waters in a safe harbor.
But, as I mentioned at the beginning, I never stop doing little steps, just to keep the momentum. After all, even if your boat is not sailing, you still have to do maintenance day after day to keep her ready for the next adventure.
So I did. I am still reading books that are pushing my imagination and directing me towards the unknown lands I set my steering wheel to. And I did have a play at a small intervention I now will take you through in the next chapter.